Modeling strategies primarily for emotion regulation

Emotional regulation is an integral part of our daily lives, whether we are parents, teachers, educators, or professionals. It is essential to recognize our own state of arousal and make the necessary adjustments to ensure it is appropriate to the situation and context we are facing in order to function optimally.

That's why I created a tool to help children not only identify their emotions, but also regulate them with adult support. Our children, both young and old, can experience strong emotional reactions and struggle to manage them.

But what is emotional co-regulation?

Emotional co-regulation involves supporting children using various strategies such as:

• Be present and adopt a warm and soothing tone of voice;
• Verbally acknowledge the child's distress;
• Modeling behaviors that help regulate emotions;
• To provide a structured environment that promotes emotional and physical safety.

In a school setting, it is important for children to be able to regulate their emotions in order to concentrate and learn. Studies have also shown that children who are able to regulate their emotions demonstrate greater resilience, being able to set their own goals and adjust along the way when faced with difficulties – skills that are useful both at school and in everyday life.

How does it work?

First, it's important to remember that there's no such thing as a "bad" emotional zone, and that all states of alertness are valid. We aim to support the child before their "volcanic lava" erupts, or even when it has already erupted. It's crucial to validate the child's emotions, to be empathetic, to understand the triggers, and to set clear and consistent boundaries. We shouldn't try to intervene if the adult isn't calm themselves.
The goals of the emotional regulation zones are to teach children to:

• Identify their emotions and state of arousal;
• Develop effective emotional regulation strategies;
• Learn when and how to use these strategies;
• Solve problems with positive solutions;
• Understanding how their behaviors influence their thoughts and emotions.

In short, it's about moving from co-regulation to independent self-regulation. The first step is to help the child identify their emotion or the emotional state they're experiencing in order to understand their state of alertness. Once the emotional state is identified, whether by you or the child, you can offer choices that will help them in that situation. When they return to a more relaxed state, you can discuss the effect of their choices and their impact on others. You can also review the strategies to prioritize during these moments or when they find themselves in a similar situation. Finally, it's important to reinforce all the efforts or the use of strategies implemented by the child.

It is crucial to mention that it is not only important to support children in co-regulating their emotions, but also, and perhaps more importantly, to model the use of these strategies ourselves in our daily lives. Our words matter, and declarative language will have a direct impact on a child's emotional regulation. Therefore, it is essential to use declarative language rather than imperative language, expressing our own emotions positively and encouraging emotional expression in children.

By integrating these elements into our approach to emotional regulation, we can create an environment conducive to children's learning and emotional well-being. You can go and download the tool I adapted to help you guide children towards emotional self-regulation.