L’auto-régulation des émotions : comment accompagner l’enfant

Self-regulation of emotions: how to support the child

December 17, 2025

Emotional regulation is an integral part of everyday life, whether you're a parent, teacher, educator, or professional. The ability to recognize our own state of arousal and make the necessary adjustments to ensure it's appropriate for the moment and context we're facing is something we all need to function optimally.

That's why I created a tool to help children not only identify their emotions, but also manage them with the support of an adult. Our little ones, and even our older children, can experience strong reactions and have difficulty handling them.

Download the tool

Download the tool to help with child self-regulation by going to the free tools area.

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But what is self-regulation?

Self-regulation is the ability to manage emotions and impulses that can be disruptive, and to think before reacting.

For preschool-aged children, it is often difficult to think before acting, and we would rather think about co-regulation. The original work This resource is designed for children aged 6 to 12, but in this version, I've adapted the content for use in daycare settings. Therefore, this tool is primarily intended for children aged 4 and up, and ideally, discussions about basic emotions should begin between the ages of 3 and 4. For our youngest children experiencing emotional distress, they are not yet cognitively capable of regulating their own emotions, so here we will focus on co-regulation.

Emotional co-regulation involves various types of means such as:

a warm and soothing presence and tone of voice;
verbal recognition of distress;
modeling behaviors that can regulate emotions;
providing a structured environment that supports emotional and physical safety.

In a school setting, children need to be able to self-regulate their emotions in order to concentrate and learn. Studies have also shown that children capable of self-regulation demonstrate greater resilience by being able to set their own goals and then adjust along the way if difficulties arise – skills that are useful both at school and in everyday life.

So how does it work?

The first thing to remember is that there's no such thing as a "bad zone," and that all emotions and states of alert are valid. We aim to support the child before their "volcano" erupts, or even after it has already erupted. It's important to acknowledge what the child is feeling, to be empathetic, to understand what triggers them, and to set clear and consistent boundaries. We shouldn't try to intervene if the adult isn't calm themselves.

The objectives of the regulation zones are to teach children how to:

identify their feelings or state of arousal;
develop effective means of emotional self-regulation;
learn when and how to use the tools;
solving problems with positive solutions;
understanding how their behaviors influence thoughts and emotions

In short, it's about shifting from co-regulation to independent self-regulation. So the first step is to help the child identify their emotion, or rather, the zone they're in, to understand their state of alert. Once the zone is identified, either by you or the child, you can offer choices that will help the child in their current state. When they return to the "green zone," you can review the effect of their choices and their impact on others. You can also revisit strategies to use during these moments or when they find themselves in a similar situation. Finally, we want to reinforce any attempt or use of strategies implemented by the child.

The green zone – It's “go,” we want to maintain the alert level in this zone, so the child can: